Our Little Miracle!

I've been meaning to catch everyone up since returning home Monday from the hospital, but between sleep deprivation, breast feeding, and not wanting to put Annabelle down for one second it's been hard to keep up with communicating with the outside world.

As many of you already know, Annabelle was born last Saturday, January 24th at 7:58pm at The Christ Hospital. The Lord is so faithful in His promises, in reassuring us that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, but He won't put more on us than we can bear. For the past month I have been praying for a safe and healthy delivery, and it seemed with every doctors visit I was getting news that pointed towards a late delivery and possible induction, which could result in an emergency C Section. So with every prayer I gave the Lord this final stage of my pregnancy, asking Him to let His will be done, praying for our doctors, nurses, and every hand who would have a part in the labor and delivery.

After a huge dinner at the Melting Pot last Friday night Tony and I went back home and spent the evening simply enjoying being home and talking about the exciting events coming our way. The doctor had scheduled our induction for Super Bowl Sunday and we were prepared for another week of waiting. We went to bed and I felt no different than usual, peeing every hour on the hour and waking up with a foot embedded in it's favorite rib. At 5am I got up for my hourly bathroom break and the moment I entered the bathroom my water broke! I called for Tony who had the car warmed, dog walked, and bags organzied all before I had chance to even get off the toilet or call my doctor, and we were on our way to the hospital.

In between contractions we were sitting in silence, holding hands, running a few red lights when needed. I think it hit us at the same time that this was our last car ride as "Tony and Natalie," from now on a little girl would be sitting behind us and it was scary and exhilerating all at the same time. Arriving at the ER, January 24th became a whirl wind of wheelchairs, doctors, nurses, strange machines, and lots of family and friends. It was also a day of the Lord showing His faithfulness, character, and love for human life as He entered that room with us and held our hand throughout the entire process.

Every small complication that occurred was fixed, Annabelle switched positions at the perfect time so I could get an epidural around 6cm and finally take a break from all the pain. The labor was textbook as I dialated quickly, our nurse was truly heaven sent, and I was my doctor's only patient. I started pushing at 6:30pm and she came an hour and half later weighing 7lbs 8oz and 20.5 inches long.

When she came out she came out with passion and suprised us all by arriving a few pushes early, and when they put her on my chest I was so overwhelmed I could barely speak and had no idea what to say to her. All I could do was tell her how happy I was to meet her and how much her mommy and daddy loved her as she squealed and kicked looking around in complete awe.

Tony and I spent 2 nights in the hospital with Annabelle because I had to heal from the wounds of delivery. She came out so fast I was left with several level 3 tears which resulted in over an hour of stitching and now a lot of pain as I heal. But she was worth it all and it has been amazing to spend these quiet nights alone with my husband and daughter as we all get to know each other better and better.

I am exhausted, I have done things I never knew I could do- like delivering a baby, breastfeeding, changing dirty diapers without dry heaving, and waking up in complete joy despite true exhaustion. Her cries don't scare me, they only make me want to find out how to make whatever is wrong right, and when she looks at me I know she is all mine and that reality is both terrifying and empowering.

Tony is an amazing father, getting up with her in the middle of the night and rocking her back to sleep so I can rest up before the next feeding. She looks so much like him, the only part of me she has is my dimples and mouth, but the rest is all Runion. He is such a natural and I find myself loving our new family more than I ever imagined possible.

Looking back over the past week, I can't believe she is here, and yet I don't know why I am always suprised when the Lord answers prayer. I am prepared to make mistakes but not afraid to try and be the best mom God has called me to be, because before she is mine she is His and He will take good care of Annabelle and her new mommy and daddy.

I hope to keep this blog alive weekly, although I'm learning the time I used to have is now filled with feedings, pumpings, cleanings, and other new duties I didn't know existed, so Facebook and blogging might have to take a backseat for a few weeks. Thank you to all our family and friends who have been so amazing in their prayers, words of encouragement, and little emails sent over the past week. The wisdom of those who have done this before is priceless and I hope everyone knows how important all those little nuggets really do help in moments of uncertainty when I have no idea how to make the crying stop don't know how to get spit up out of sleepers.

The Lord is good and we give Him all the praise for bringing Annabelle safely into this world. She is a true reflection of love and I am forever grateful to God for choosing Tony and I to be Annabelle's parents.

Annabelle Margaret

Tomorrow morning I go to the doctor where I hope he gives me good news--and by good news I mean he sends me to the hospital immediately after my appointment because I have miraculously dialated to a suitable number, smiling nurses meet me at the door with loads of drugs, and Annabelle appears in all her glory a mere few hours later weighing less than 9 pounds. Please just go with me on this, I am fully aware of reality but I'm allowed to dream...

These final days of waiting have also been very enlightening as I finish up last minute personal projects and spend quiet evenings alone with Tony. We have been together almost 5 years, married a little over a year and a half and during this time have thoroughly enjoyed our time as a couple. I remember our trip to Gatlinburg in June when I was only 9 weeks pregnant and waking up one morning to the realization it would be our last trip as a couple- the next vacation to Gatlinburg or anywhere would be a "family" trip. It felt so good to know we had no regrets, that we were ready to share our lives and teach our child the beauty of independence, dreams, adventure, and what it meant to truly be part of a family.

We have named Annabelle after our grandmothers, Anna Runion and Margaret Thomas, 2 extraordinary women who loved the Lord and their families passionately. Both were God fearing women who served everyone around them and prayed endlessly that their children would not only know the Lord but be known by Him and share His Word in life and ministry. Growing up Annabelle will know she has been named after two strong Christian women who never stopped trusting, serving, believing, and living in His faithfulness.

This may be my last blog before Annabelle Margaret makes her appearance so I thank you for your continued prayers and words of encouragement in these final days. I am excited, anxious, nervous, and a little intimidated to meet this little girl who has been growing inside of me for the past 10 months. I can't even imagine how amazing it will be to actually see her, to hold her, to know she is ours and safe in her new home with two parents who have been praying and interceding for her for so long.

We will be blogging and keeping Facebook up to date from the hospital as much as we can, I guess it all depends on how well those drugs are working :-)

The Waiting Game

Annabelle is due a week from today so I am on a mission to do as much as I can before she arrives. I wake up in the middle of the night with this insane desire to clean, organize things, and start packing boxes to prepare for a move still months away. The doctor said she's ready to go, it's just a waiting game at this point, so get done what you can and know she'll come when she's ready. But what about me? He's estimating an 81/2 pound baby, possibly 9 pounds if she arrives on time. If she decides to hang out in the warmth of the womb for another 2 weeks I am afraid I'll be giving birth to a small man child!

I admit I'm trying a few little tricks to coax her out, just so I can say I tried. I'm drinking Red Raspberry Leaf Tea, taking long walks, but that's where I draw the line. At the beginning of this pregnancy we had a scare and the ER doctors told me this wasn't a viable pregnancy and were minutes away from terminating this baby. Thankfully my OB believed so much in human life he was able to see it was all a mistake and sent me home where hours later we found out this pregnancy was not only viable, but a miracle! I spent 48 hours in constant prayer as we waited for test results and in those hours the Lord showed me I am completely out of control of this entire process. From conception this child was not mine and I can't control what the Lord has had planned from the beginning of time. So, I trust He will bring her to us in His timing, and the labor and delivery will be perfect because He brought her home, not a bunch of crazy midwife tales!

This was my last week teaching PE and as they played I watched their little personalities closely, wondering what kind of child Annabelle is going to be. Will she be the delicate little ballerina type who runs her laps delicately around the gym, telling her friends to pass her because she doesn't want to be too tired for dance class later that night. Will she be outgoing, running uninhibited throughout the gym oblivious to those around her, just happy to finally be out of a desk and free to run as fast as she can? You have to laugh at them as they come in with their messy hair, chapped lips, telling you stories from their day ranging from loosing a tooth to what they had for lunch. As I was contemplating all of this, one of the youngest little girls climbed into my lap and touched my face and said, "Mrs. Runion, your little girl is going to look just like you with your long eyelashes and gold makeup." And then she brought her finger up to my eye, brushed off some gold eyeshadow I was wearing and put it on her eyelid and ran off to finish playing.

It was in that moment I knew it didn't matter what kind of child Annabelle would be; athlete, dancer, artist, musician, whatever, she is going to be the best of Tony and me with a spirit filled with passion for God and a heart for the lost. Leave it to a 5 year old to put some things in perspective and in a matter of seconds put your mind at ease that all a little girl wants is to be held, loved, protected, and occassionally allowed to wear her mom's makeup. What an amazing gift to be given, what an awesome responsibility, what a priviledge to be trusted with life! And she is worth the wait!

A New Journey

We are having a baby in 10 days...well, we're due to have little Annabelle in 10 days but it appears these little bundles of joy don't actually come into the world until they decide. 10 months ago both my sister and I found out we were pregnant, she was 5 weeks ahead of me and we embarked upon this adventure like the blind leading the blind. You can read all the books you want, talk to every pregnant woman or mother on your block, but once you pee on that stick and then pee on 5 other sticks just to make sure you aren't losing your mind, a reality sets in that cannot be explained.

Now, 39 weeks later, still working and carrying around a small toddler in my stomach, I am just waiting for her arrival. I remember after finding out I was pregnant this feeling of panic swept over me. I didn't question our ability to be good parents, I was so excited to tell Tony the news, I wasn't worried about gaining weight (well, a little) or stretch marks or morning sickness. What freaked me out is that I realized that what goes in, must come out. However the Lord, in all His goodness, knew what He was doing making this a 10 months process because I can honestly say I no longer fear labor and delivery or words like "epidural" and "dialation." I am so ready to get this child out of me I am actually anticipating pain to prove something is happening to move this along.

Since May I have been talking to Annabelle, singing to her, reading her stories, she already recognizes Tony's voice and begins moving excitedly when she hears him enter a room. I have spent many nights praying over her, listening to worship music, asking the Lord to give her a heart for Him and a sweet spirit that will minister to people even in her earliest days. We are ready to meet her, to see those little feet that have been pushing into my ribcage for well over 2 months and actually hear those hiccups that I've been feeling late at night in bed. We are ready to be the parents the Lord has called us to be and that excitement overrides any fears or feelings of inadequacy.

I wanted to start blogging as part of my daily journaling and quiet time because I know how important the words of others have been to me in the past 2 years of getting engaged, married, and then pregnant. It is so wonderful to hear the stories of those I love and trust and see how God is moving in their families, watching families grow and sharing moments of laughter, vulnerability, and encouragement.

Tony and I are so thankful for your prayers and I am excited to document my first year as a mother with those who want to be part of this journey with us. I will need all the advice, help, and support I can get from those of you who have gone before me! Here we go, it's going to be an incredible ride...