I've been back to work now for almost 2 weeks and I will admit it has been easier than I expected. I will confess I had a major breakdown the Sunday before my first day back where I held onto Annabelle for dear life for about 3 hours and sobbed uncontrollably. It was just so hard to let go of the past 9 weeks and our first months together as a team, learning and growing together as a mommy and daughter. Even though I was ready to go back I had to grieve in my own way and acknowledge this new life of being a working mom and trusting the Lord would protect Annabelle when I wasn't able to.
We had decided we would be taking her to my friend's house for the next 8 weeks and I was very comfortable with that decision. However plans changed when my friend had a sick kid and my granny had to come over and be our replacement for a few days. Little did we know that Granny and Annabelle would become best friends in such a short amount of time and it was a beautiful sight to see the two of them laughing and playing together. I haven't seen my Granny come to life like that since her husband passed away and I knew Annabelle would be such a blessing to her. So we decided Granny would take care of her for the next 8 weeks and it has been wonderful for both of them as well as for Tony and I. Now I leave for work knowing she is going to be with her Great Granny and it's hysterical to come home and find them laying on the floor playing with toys and talking about just about everything. I'm pretty sure Annabelle will have a full vocabulary by the time she's 6 months old :-)
I feel like things are starting to fall into place as she gets older and I feel comfortable with my new routine. I'm still not sure how these super moms do it- work, come home to kids and clean, cook, and still wear a size 4. I keep trying to figure out a good workout time but everyday is a mystery so I get my workouts with the kids at school and take stairs everywhere I go. I keep a picture of myself on my camera when I was in the best shape of my life to keep me motivated, but the reality is that my hips are forever changed and I might as well take all those Express jeans to Plato's Closet and get some money.
The kids at school are funny about my return, constantly reminding me of how fat I was and asking where my baby went. They seem genuinely happy that I am back which has made returning so much easier and I look forward to seeing them each day. But when that clock hits 3:00 I am ready to run out the door and straight home because I know she is waiting for me and I love to see her smile when I walk in the door. From about 4:00 until bedtime we play, sing, take little cat naps, go for walks, and wait for Tony to come home so we can watch our favorite shows and then settle down for the night. It's amazing how quickly a 9 week old adapts to a routine and I am so thankful she loves to sleep!
There are moments I wish I could be with her every waking moment but I trust the Lord is protecting her and these moments she gets to spend with Tony in the morning and her great granny throughout the day are irreplaceable and she will grow from them. She is getting smarter by the day and I know it's because she is healthy and happy and that makes getting up every morning so easy. Prayerfully I will be able to stay home with her more when she is older and remembers our time together, but for now I work so that can be an option one day. For now she is with Granny and I know it is for the best...for everyone.
