Well, we survived our first weekend of chaos, the weekend where your husband comes home from work with a temperature of 101 and can't be anywhere near the baby and your newborn is suddenly plagued by stomach aches and constipation. Praise the Lord for grandmothers, who in the blink of an eye, arrive at any hour of the night with their crazy sleepy hair and bags packed ready to take over for the exhausted mother on the brink of tears.
This weekend I had to make a very difficult decision to stop breast feeding and for some reason it was the hardest thing I've faced as a new mother. Annabelle weighed 7lbs 8 oz when she was born but has been losing weight since I began breast feeding so the doctor gave me some options in regards to supplementing my milk with formula. Apparently, my milk is the "light" or "diet" version of breast milk, meaning Annabelle isn't receiving nearly enough calories and wants to eat every 30 minutes to an hour. Leave it to me to have skim milk flowing through my body...
It has broken my heart to watch her lose weight and I took it personally that my body wasn't producing the nutrients she needs. For 10 months I did everything I could to provide for her and protect her, and she came out so healthy and perfect. To finally admit that it was time to move on to formula and let my milk dry up was heart wrenching and I spent most of the weekend going back and forth, crying and praying for a milk miracle. But then that warrior mother came out of me and reminded me my main focus right now is to make sure my daughter has what she needs, and if that means formula, that's what we have to do.
She's like a different baby now...she sleeps more sound and she's starting to fill out. I refuse to walk into that doctor's office yet again this week to hear she is losing weight. At first I felt like a failure, but the Lord has reminded me that this won't be the first time I have to make a decision on behalf of Annabelle's well being. There are going to be so many moments in life where I have to look beyond what I want, what I invisioned for my child, and for her best interest make a final decision- no questions asked, no stalling.
I've done things I never thought I'd do, for example, I actually put a thermometer up her butt to get her to poop since she's been constipated from the formula. And I didn't even want to throw up when it worked and came pouring out on everything, including me! I have had spit up shot down my shirt and I just clean myself up and keep going and I've learned how to remove stains from every article of clothing we own. It's amazing how little you can know about being a mom but how natural it all comes once they arrive.
I'm just now getting over the baby blues, those fantastic hormones that have you laughing one moment and sobbing the next. I have a little bit of cabin fever and wish more than anything I could get her out in her stroller for a good walk outside or to the mall. But being born in flu season means being quarantined for at least the first 6-8 weeks of life and I actually look forward to those mandatory doctor appointments that get us in the car for 10 minutes. Hillary comes over with Savannah and we have little play dates that are actually more for our good than for Annabelle and Savannah, but we need that adult conversation for our sanity. I find myself holding Annabelle for hours at a time, not wanting to put her down but needing to finish laundry or bottles for the next 24 hours. I suddenly don't have enough hands!
Life has changed for the better here at the Runion household, but it is definately a change that is taking time and patience to understand and comprehend. I feel like Annabelle has been here forever, but in reality it's only been a little over 2 weeks and Tony and I are learning everyday what it means to love and care for her. I admit moments of feeling inadequate, but I am challenged to be better each and every day and pray the Lord continues to give us wisdom with each new day. We won't be perfect parents, but I think it's okay to try, as long as we know it's okay to mess up once and awhile- she will forgive us, she won't even know, because she is loved.
This weekend I had to make a very difficult decision to stop breast feeding and for some reason it was the hardest thing I've faced as a new mother. Annabelle weighed 7lbs 8 oz when she was born but has been losing weight since I began breast feeding so the doctor gave me some options in regards to supplementing my milk with formula. Apparently, my milk is the "light" or "diet" version of breast milk, meaning Annabelle isn't receiving nearly enough calories and wants to eat every 30 minutes to an hour. Leave it to me to have skim milk flowing through my body...
It has broken my heart to watch her lose weight and I took it personally that my body wasn't producing the nutrients she needs. For 10 months I did everything I could to provide for her and protect her, and she came out so healthy and perfect. To finally admit that it was time to move on to formula and let my milk dry up was heart wrenching and I spent most of the weekend going back and forth, crying and praying for a milk miracle. But then that warrior mother came out of me and reminded me my main focus right now is to make sure my daughter has what she needs, and if that means formula, that's what we have to do.
She's like a different baby now...she sleeps more sound and she's starting to fill out. I refuse to walk into that doctor's office yet again this week to hear she is losing weight. At first I felt like a failure, but the Lord has reminded me that this won't be the first time I have to make a decision on behalf of Annabelle's well being. There are going to be so many moments in life where I have to look beyond what I want, what I invisioned for my child, and for her best interest make a final decision- no questions asked, no stalling.
I've done things I never thought I'd do, for example, I actually put a thermometer up her butt to get her to poop since she's been constipated from the formula. And I didn't even want to throw up when it worked and came pouring out on everything, including me! I have had spit up shot down my shirt and I just clean myself up and keep going and I've learned how to remove stains from every article of clothing we own. It's amazing how little you can know about being a mom but how natural it all comes once they arrive.
I'm just now getting over the baby blues, those fantastic hormones that have you laughing one moment and sobbing the next. I have a little bit of cabin fever and wish more than anything I could get her out in her stroller for a good walk outside or to the mall. But being born in flu season means being quarantined for at least the first 6-8 weeks of life and I actually look forward to those mandatory doctor appointments that get us in the car for 10 minutes. Hillary comes over with Savannah and we have little play dates that are actually more for our good than for Annabelle and Savannah, but we need that adult conversation for our sanity. I find myself holding Annabelle for hours at a time, not wanting to put her down but needing to finish laundry or bottles for the next 24 hours. I suddenly don't have enough hands!
Life has changed for the better here at the Runion household, but it is definately a change that is taking time and patience to understand and comprehend. I feel like Annabelle has been here forever, but in reality it's only been a little over 2 weeks and Tony and I are learning everyday what it means to love and care for her. I admit moments of feeling inadequate, but I am challenged to be better each and every day and pray the Lord continues to give us wisdom with each new day. We won't be perfect parents, but I think it's okay to try, as long as we know it's okay to mess up once and awhile- she will forgive us, she won't even know, because she is loved.
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